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Baby Due in May 2015 – Baby Born

Birth parent B is requesting that Act of Love Adoption Agency assist her in her search for an adoptive family for her African American baby that was due the beginning of May 2015. Baby was born on Friday, March 27, 2015 at twenty-nine weeks and is currently in the NICU. Adoptive family will need to be prepared to be with baby in hospital until baby is able to discharge. She has requested that the family that adopts her baby be a family that is unable to have biological children. She is seeking an open adoption to include pictures and letters sent through the agency and to meet the adoptive family around the time of birth. B is open to in-person contact with the family following placement.

B reports that she is healthy and free of any major medical illness or injury. She also reports that she has started prenatal care and that she currently has Medicaid. Act of Love cannot guarantee that her Medicaid will be current at the time of birth or cover all medical expenses. B does not report any alcohol, tobacco or drugs.

Home studied adoptive families interested in this situation should contact Act of Love Adoptions at outreach@aactofloveadoptions.com. Adoptive family will need to be prepared to complete an Application for Services, provide an original signed notarized copy of the home study along with supporting documentation to meet agency requirements. Applying for the Outreach Program DOES NOT require agency fees prior to a match. Outreach families at Act of Love will be presented with situations that do not match with the full service adoptive families. For more information on the Outreach Program contact Act of Love Adoption Agency at outreach@aactofloveadoptions.com or call 801-572-1696.

Act of Love Adoptions offers a free Adoption Orientation on the first Tuesday of every month beginning at 7:00 p.m. The next orientation will be April 7, 2015 at 7:00 p.m. Call 801-572-1696 to receive further information on the orientation or to schedule an private informational appointment. Supporting you during your adoption journey would be our pleasure.

Why Use Positive Adoption Language?

Act of Love Adoptions promotes positive adoption language to send affirming messages to those involved with an adoption plan; those considering adoption, birth parents, child and adopting family. Because adoption is a highly-sensitive and personal decision, creating a non-judgmental, safe environment is critical to those choosing adoption. Using positive adoption language and educating others will assist in promoting adoption as a positive and loving choice and avoid pain and grief from the result of an unintended message.

Words that are meant to send a positive message can sometimes be received with an unintended negative message. For example, the word “give” generally has a positive meaning. However, when used in the context of adoption such as “gave-up”, “giving up” or “gave away” it can be received as a negative message. Act of Love prefers “placed for adoption” to prevent the feeling of unworthiness, discomfort or uneasiness a child or birth parent may feel. Choosing words carefully creates a positive message and self-assurance. While a person using the words “a real child” certainly does not intend harm, it can greatly affect a child’s self-image to feel they may not be “a real child” or as “real” as a biological child.

Adoption is a beautiful, loving and incredibly unselfish decision. As a society, it is important to value adoption, promote adoption as a positive choice and commend those involved. Let’s celebrate the beautiful option of adoption! One way is to use the positive adoption language below.

NEGATIVE LANGUAGE / POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE

Birth mom / Birth parent is both birth mom and dad
Real child / Biological child and adopted child
Real parent, natural parent / Biological parent or birth parent
Their adoptive parent / Parent
Your adopted child / Your child
Own child / Biological child
Child placed for adoption / Adoptee
Giving up your baby, gave up for adoption / Placing your baby for adoption
Unwanted child / Child placed for adoption
Keeping child / Choosing to parent child
Was adopted / Is adopted
Adopted / Placed for adoption
Where did you get your child from? / Where was your child born
Child taken away / Parental rights terminated
Signed their child away / Relinquished their parental rights
Gave baby away, didn’t want the child / Chose adoption or made an adoption plan
Illegitimate / Child born to unmarried biological parents
All the people involved / Adoption Triad
Mistake, accident / Choice
Hard to place child, child with a handicap / Special needs child

Baby Due in June 2015

Birth parent L has requested Act of Love Adoption Agency assist her in her search for an adoptive family for her African American/Caucasian baby due the beginning of June 2015. She would like to have an open adoption to include pictures and letters sent through the agency and to meet the adoptive family around the time of birth.

L reports that she is healthy and free of any major medical illness or injury. She also reports that she is taking prenatal vitamins. L stated that she has never used any alcohol, tobacco or drugs. Birth parent L’s situation is requiring a significant amount of assistance.

Home studied adoptive families interested in this situation should contact Act of Love Adoptions at outreach@aactofloveadoptions.com. Adoptive family will need to be prepared to complete an Application for Services, provide an original signed notarized copy of the home study along with supporting documentation to meet agency requirements. Applying for the Outreach Program DOES NOT require agency fees prior to a match. For more information on the Outreach Program contact Act of Love Adoption Agency at outreach@aactofloveadoptions.com or call 801-572-1696.

Act of Love Adoptions offers a free Adoption Orientation on the first Tuesday of every month beginning at 7:00 p.m. Call 801-572-1696 to receive further information on the orientation or to schedule an private informational appointment. Supporting you during your adoption journey would be our pleasure.

This Day!

SkylarThis day, exactly two years ago, I held my baby boy in my arms for the final time and said goodbye. It was the last time I would see him until the time comes for us to meet again. He is now two years old, and I have missed many milestones, smiles, hugs, and mommy/son moments. Yet, I am able to write this with a smile on my face and joy in my heart!

It is an odd thing to have a son and not be a part of his life. I have two sons; I know the joy that comes from being a mommy. The love is incredible. The laughter we share is priceless. We enjoy killing the alien invaders together, and I enjoy telling them outrageously outlandish stories. Things would be even more fun and interesting with another little guy to accompany us in our adventures. We all love little Matt, and for me, it is hard (emotionally) to raise his brothers without him. I also know that he is having so much fun with his big sister and big family! He is loved beyond words. And that brings me joy and gives me peace!

Two years ago, or even one year ago, this time of year was really difficult. I am very proud that I am able to think about my son without crying. There is something really special about being able to get past the hurt, anger, and depression over placing a child for adoption. Knowing my son is with a wonderful family and that he is happy makes me feel good. It reaffirms that my decision to place him for adoption was the right choice. Now, two years later, I am able to be joyful about that and not have any regrets about the past.

There will always be times when I am sad and wish I could hold him, kiss him, and tell him I love him. He is my son, and I still wish to show him my love. One day, I will be able to. In the meantime, I can enjoy the peace and happiness I feel knowing that he is exactly where he is supposed to be.

African American Boy Due in May

Birth parent W has requested that Act of Love Adoption Agency help search for an adoptive family for her African American baby boy that is due the beginning of May 2015. She is seeking an adoptive family that is seeking an open adoption. Her plan for post-adoption contact is to exchange email addresses to receive letters and pictures throughout the year and phone numbers for contact. Birth parent W would like to have the option for an occasional visit.

Birth parent W reports that she has been struggling with Hyperemesis for about the last six months. This condition has required her to receive fluids and medications. Her first prenatal visit was in September 2014. She reported that other than the Hyperemesis she is healthy and free of any illness or major medical problems. W reports that she used Marijuana occasionally through September 2014 and smoked 1/2 pack of cigarettes through October 2014. She does not report any alcohol or other substance use. Medical records are available for approved Outreach families.

Home studied adoptive families should contact Act of Love Adoptions, if they and interested in being considered for this opportunity at outreach@aactofloveadoptions.com. Adoptive family will need to be prepared to complete an Application for Services, provide an original signed notarized copy of the home study along with supporting documentation and meet other agency requirements. Applying for the Outreach Program does not require agency fees until match. For more information on the Outreach Program contact Act of Love Adoption Agency at outreach@aactofloveadoptions.com or call 801-572-1696.

A Reason to Celebrate

SkylarMatthew will be two this week! I am so excited about his birthday. I cannot wait to see pictures and hear all about what he has been doing. It will be a very exciting time to get the update in the mail. He is a little stud; I am sure.

Throughout the year, I experience different emotions in relation to placing Matt for adoption. Typically, I am a happy person, and when I think of him and his family, my thoughts are warm, loving, and generally good thoughts. There are times, however, when I cry or just feel sad. I miss him all the time, but my attitude toward it fluctuates throughout the year. This year, with his birthday arriving in a few days, I feel really happy and excited about his birthday and getting an update. (Last year, his first birthday was really hard, and getting an update was even harder because I knew it would be the last one for a whole year!) In general, the past two weeks have been absolutely horrible; I just lost my cat, which was 19 years old, and we had her since she was born. I have not been myself to say the least. What is surprising is that thinking about my adoption experience and my son has actually lifted my spirits! Usually, if I think about Matt too much, I get really sad. This is not the case this time.

The boys and I do not have grand plans for this weekend. We will visit my dad for a bit, but there are no big celebrations going on. I think we might have to plan something for Matt’s birthday. My boys, Matt’s brothers, really love Matt. They ask about him and want me to buy “babies” (stuffed animals-particularly puppies) for him. Edward and Matthias would love to have a birthday celebration for their little brother!

Matthew’s birthday is definitely something to celebrate! To think that I nearly had an abortion is almost unfathomable now. I am so glad I chose adoption instead. His life, him just being here with his family, is something I will be able to cherish forever.

Who are birth parents?

SkylarWhen people find out that I am a birth parent, they are usually a bit shocked. I have two kids that I get to raise as my own; I have a college degree and a stable job; I am usually positive and happy unless there are major stressors going on (I recently had to put my cat to sleep, which has turned me into a grouch); I am generally happy with my life. When someone says that he/she is shocked because I seem so normal, have children of my own, and am doing well in life, I am always a little taken aback.

Birth parents are real people. Same as everyone else, who make mistakes, love others, have families, and live normal lives. Based on the responses I get from others, there is apparently a stereotype of what kind of people birth parents are. To say that it is hard to believe that I, a normal and happy person, am a birth parent says something about the way some others view birth parents.

Adoption does not cater to people with a certain lifestyle, or who fit a particular set of qualities. Adoption is an option for anyone or any couples who think that adoption may be best the option for the child. Occasionally, married couples will place their child or children for adoption; adoption is not just for young, unwed mothers.

Education levels among birth parents vary, and not all birth parents are uneducated. According to americanadoptions.com, “Birth mothers have higher educational aspirations [and] are more likely to finish school.” A very dear friend of mine was a senior in high school when she placed her son for adoption. She graduated, and then she earned an English degree. I know several birth moms, including myself, who were in college and chose adoption. (I am a college graduate with over 100 credits in postgraduate coursework.) Choosing to place a child for adoption is not linked to IQ level.

Birth parents are people with goals and families who experience the same ups and downs of life as everyone else. We are no less normal than anyone else is. I do believe that birth parents have an overwhelming amount of love for their children and possess a tremendous amount of courage to place them for adoption. In general, I have seen how remarkable birth parents are, not because they placed a child for adoption, but they seem to embody strength, perseverance, and have found a way to be happy in spite of their circumstances.

Fact: Adoption can be hard, but it IS possible to find peace.

Adoption Donation“So many times in life we make hard decisions and we overcome them. We use either family support, friends support, or even the support from experts like therapists and counselors. In my own experience, not everyone was supportive of my decision. Friends, family, or someone you hardly know may tell you how they feel and it may be difficult to hear. I came to realize that:

The only thing that matters is how you feel, and to remember those feelings.

In my own placement situation, I felt like the child I was carrying was not my own and I was carrying the child that was meant for someone else. Other people I’ve talked to have said that they simply wanted a life for the child they couldn’t give them. This may not be the situation you are in, but whatever the reason is, it’s completely YOUR decision. Remember why YOU are choosing adoption and remember that you have support! No matter how much opposition you face, you are doing a beautiful thing for your child and your child will be grateful to you!

Postpartum depression is a serious problem, not to mention the added stress and emotion of placing a child for adoption. You may feel overwhelmed and feel you can’t talk to friends or family because they won’t understand how you feel or where you’re coming from. But, that’s ok! There is help after placement whenever you need it. Don’t be ashamed to say that you don’t know how to feel, because sometimes you don’t. Placing a child for adoption is hard, but it is possible to feel peace and happiness through it and know that what you are doing is a beautiful thing.

You become part of another family and the story of how your baby arrived into this world. YOU made that happen! YOU are giving others the ability to be a mother, a father, and even a sibling in some cases. No two adoption stories are the same; no two people are the same after adoption. It’s ok to cry, but you never have to feel alone. A Act of Love has so many loving and caring people, so many different stories of adoption, and so many people who WANT to help you. Never feel alone because adoption is about creating families, Act of Love is that family, for me and for you. “

Welcome to the Birth-Mothers Club -Noelle

Unplanned Pregnancy and Adoption: How do I Tell My Loved Ones?

“Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant and I have decided on adoption.”

You may picture it like an uncomfortable scene in a movie. You may envision that there will be some shouting, tears and stress that will accompany your announcement. You already dread doing it, but pregnancy is not something you can hide indefinitely. The best choice is to come to terms with the pregnancy and share with your trusted adults, so you can take care of yourself, your baby and find the best option for you. It is also best to tell your loved ones yourself, rather than for them to hear about it from someone else.

At this point, your loved ones may be a great source of strength and support. Or, sadly, they may react negatively to your news. Whatever the results, the important thing is that you were able to tell your loved ones and begin to make a plan. Admittedly, telling loved ones about an unplanned pregnancy and your decision for adoption can be difficult. However, you can take concrete steps to make it a bit easier. Here are some things you should do or remember:
– Do not do anything rash. Your fear about telling your parents or loved ones may lead you to do something you may later regret. Take time to get emotionally settled and get over the shock of the unplanned pregnancy. With a clearer frame of mind and when your emotions are in control, your next actions can be more well-thought-out.
– Be reminded that people may react differently to the news. To be sure, your unplanned pregnancy may bring about anxiety, grief and stress, particularly for those who care about you and are concerned about your future. Everyone will express these feelings in different ways. It is important to understand these reactions and to understand where your loved ones are coming from. Some of these reactions include:
o Tears and other ways of emotional release. A loved one may react by bursting into tears or laughter. This can be their way of releasing emotions and the stress they feel.
o Anger. A loved one may express his anger verbally or physically because his basic beliefs and expectations in life are threatened by the unplanned pregnancy.
o Lack of a reaction. Yet another loved one may pretend that the news does not affect them. This can be a way for him to put some distance between him and the situation, in an effort to decrease the pain he is feeling.
o Remorse. The loved one may ask, “Where did I go wrong?” As a way of distancing himself from the pressing issue of the pregnancy, he may instead consider the things that he should have or could have done.
o Panic. The loved one may express his feelings of loss of control by exhibiting signs of panic – hyperventilation, trembling, going pale or sweating.
– Time your announcement carefully. Avoid giving the announcement during important family occasions, such as a birthday or anniversary party or your family’s Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner, where emotions are at their peak. Choose a time when your parents are more relaxed and less vulnerable to their emotions.
– Set the ideal atmosphere. Try to choose a quiet setting, where you can get your loved ones or parents’ full attention. Turn off any distractions such as the television or the radio and go for a tone that indicates that you would like to have a serious talk with them. If you are worried about any possible physical harm that you may experience, have someone come with you.
– Know what you are going to say. For a difficult topic such as this, it is always helpful to have an outline in your mind about what you are going to say. First, practice what you will say about the pregnancy. Then, take time to share your plans going forward. Rather than being flippant about this, try to go with the straightforward approach: “Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant.” Once the shock has died down, you can tell your parents or loved ones about what you plan to do. Having a clear plan and making information available to your loved ones lets them know that you know how serious the situation is and that you are taking concrete steps to deal with the situation.
– Provide them with information. If you are seriously considering adoption, do some research to obtain reading materials for you and your loved ones. Give them access to information that can potentially answer their questions; this can go a long way in easing their worries.
– Be prepared for dialogue. Take time to listen to their reactions and acknowledge their feelings of anger or disappointment. Also, even with a plan, be open to what your loved ones have to say. They may offer you support or provide guidance for you to make important choices such as how you want to build your adoption plan.
– Remember that the decision about the pregnancy is ultimately up to you. Even as you give your loved ones the opportunity to state their opinions and suggestions, remember that the decision about your baby will ultimately be your decision. Do not allow anyone, even your loved ones, to force you into doing something you do not want to do.

Help from A Act of Love

A Act of Love Adoptions understands what you are going through, many of the staff members have personal adoption experience; including birth parents. A Act of Love strives to provide a loving and understanding environment where the aim is to help ensure that you are happy and at peace with whatever decision you make – whether this is for adoption or for parenthood. If you are dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, we are here to help – feel free to call us for free counseling and to ask about our services, including adoption counseling and pregnancy related financial assistance. Call 24/7: 1-800-835-6360 or Text Now to 801-450-0094.

Adoption
is An Act of Love

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